Breaking news! Biden controversy.

HubbleBubble

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Hubble reporting, at 6.

With stories of genetically edited human cyborgs circling the internet....


And on the heels of Biden forgetting requests that he take a cognitive test, an unknown but trusted source in the White House has verified that Biden was asked about experimental first-generation human cyborgs. He reportedly raised his hand and gestured that being one isn't so bad.

Reports have been swirling as far back as 2009, when Vice President Biden was nearing death and practically brain dead with dementia. At the time, the decision was made for him to undergo cyborg conversion surgeries, where he was genetically edited and had vast chunks of his brain removed along with several organs, including his penis.

His closest aides say he died on the operating table due to complications, stayed dead for several days but was jolted back to life after a .gov web developer assigned to the operation gave up and pounded his fists on the keyboard. At the time, insiders were calling it a miracle.

Witnesses say Biden initially complained of feelings of compassion and remorse having experienced the pokiest pits of hell for "what felt like an eternity", but those emotions quickly dissipated along with human emotion, in general.

Now, still running on the most recent 1950s tax payer funded computer technology straight out of the IRS building, Biden indicated that he felt ok.

But some are left questioning.

After being left with little processing power, no capacity for emotion, no sense of taste, little mobility and no penis, Biden reportedly added that his sense of smell is the only pleasure he has left.

There are growing calls in Washington that Biden be upgraded or removed from office.
 

chalupa

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Hubble reporting, at 6.

With stories of genetically edited human cyborgs circling the internet....


And on the heels of Biden forgetting requests that he take a cognitive test, an unknown but trusted source in the White House has verified that Biden was asked about experimental first-generation human cyborgs. He reportedly raised his hand and gestured that being one isn't so bad.

Reports have been swirling as far back as 2009, when Vice President Biden was nearing death and practically brain dead with dementia. At the time, the decision was made for him to undergo cyborg conversion surgeries, where he was genetically edited and had vast chunks of his brain removed along with several organs, including his penis.

His closest aides say he died on the operating table due to complications, stayed dead for several days but was jolted back to life after a .gov web developer assigned to the operation gave up and pounded his fists on the keyboard. At the time, insiders were calling it a miracle.

Witnesses say Biden initially complained of feelings of compassion and remorse having experienced the pokiest pits of hell for "what felt like an eternity", but those emotions quickly dissipated along with human emotion, in general.

Now, still running on the most recent 1950s tax payer funded computer technology straight out of the IRS building, Biden indicated that he felt ok.

But some are left questioning.

After being left with little processing power, no capacity for emotion, no sense of taste, little mobility and no penis, Biden reportedly added that his sense of smell is the only pleasure he has left.

There are growing calls in Washington that Biden be upgraded or removed from office.
Please continue this. Send him on adventures and shit.
 

HubbleBubble

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Hubble here, bringing you a developing story tonight.

We are learning through our backdoor channels in Washington that Biden has elaborated on his death and resurrection, and how he plans to return back to the dark underworld in an effort to delegitimize and destabilize Satan's authority.

This air of confidence coming after the last coup attempt was largely determined to be a success.

But exactly how those around him are deciphering his incoherent mumbles, quiet whispering and vague gestures still remains a mystery.

Some speculate that officials have brought in a renowned body language expert off of YouTube. While others say officials are effectively utilizing Dog Buttons for Communication, available on Amazon.

Likely using these techniques, insiders have now confirmed Biden has requested that he be referred to by his cyborg name, Beacon.

All this, in a special report we're calling...

thumbnail_F984838BD9604098B03086144C68D89A.jpg

To face this perilous journey, experts specializing in the taxidermy of squirrels and small game were able to salvage Beacons severed penis, having been kept on ice since 2009. It was reportedly stuffed, stitched up and sent to a top secret government weapons lab, where it was equipped with a rod and handle.

Reliable sources say it looks fuzzy and inadequate, but can summon lightning bolts.

Top level military officials have been with Beacon all day at an undisclosed location, where they say he is standing outside and facing off with an epic storm, waving his mighty rod, relying heavily on his wooden staff and daring God to send him back again.

"I'll lay waste to you and your devil," Beacon reportedly shouted, stunning doctors who were resetting a dog puzzle. "And I'll leave death and destruction in my wake!"

In other news..
 

chalupa

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Hey HubbaBubba -- are vaccines the work of some secret govt cabal to accompish...______? something?
 

HubbleBubble

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Nah dude. With all joking aside, I've heard that some of the chemicals they are loading into those vaccines have danger labels on the cans and skull symbols, and they're literally sending that stuff out for the public to use.
 

chalupa

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Nah dude. With all joking aside, I've heard that some of the chemicals they are loading into those vaccines have danger labels on the cans and skull symbols, and they're literally sending that stuff out for the public to use.
That part is true. I mean, if yo put the wrong amounts of stuff in other stuff, that other stuff turns into poison stuff. Still, i'm glad you aren't like the 5G bunch. That's comforting.
 

chalupa

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What DO our fuzzy little neighbors to the north think about the shitshow that is american politics of late? People like marjorie taylor green, lauren boebert, George santos?

I understand they are the worst of the right and there are few on the left with that level of crazy, but then the same about the hyper liberal left?

Is canada, like, normal and shit?
 

chalupa

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We don't, though, at least not in power. You don't hear the left's politicians calling for violent insurrection, you don't hear the left screaming to cancel the constitution.

The left wants power and to meddle, but they don't want to burn the thing down to do it. Even their rhetoric, for the nuttiest of the nutters, doesn't come close to the fascism that creeps into the right's world these days.
 

Fero

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That's not remotely close to true.
It is though. You realize the rightists would say exactly the same thing?

Left, right is all fucking bullshit. The extremes on one side wants to kick all foreigners out, on the other one they want to provide hormone supplements to 5 year olds and allow abortions until a week before birth.

You're a leftist, so it stands to reason you think rightists are crazy and wrong. That's the entire point of it. You think the elites of both sides are ideologues? Har har. They fucking laugh at the plebs fighting each other. That's even more obvious since Trump.

Making groups hate each other = votes = power = money. Yes, there are exceptions. No, not many.
 
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